A World of Silence

I am not sure if there is anything wrong with my ear but I cannot stand too much noise. It seems that I can only tolerate a certain amount of noise and if the ambient noise (surroundings, music, people talking, etc…) exceed a certain decibel for a certain number of minutes, I break. Sometimes I can tune it out, sometimes I can’t.

Yes, it seems that my head would burst and if there is anything agitating, then I will surely erupt like a volcano full of lava, spewing hot molten stuff everywhere.

This morning started out well. I woke up relatively early at around 7am, made a bottle for Dindin, finished a layout for a client and then prepared breakfast for Dennis. I prayed quite long before eating. Then I set out to finish paper works and then woke up Dindin.

We had quite a lovely morning until she decided that she wanted the room to be dark. First she asked me to turn off the light. Since I was not working yet, it was fine with me. Then I lied down beside her. She asked for the window to be closed. I closed it as well. So there was minimal light in the bedroom now.

Then she thought of going swimming. She asked for her swimsuit. I said we’re not going swimming, it’s still a weekday. I asked her if she wanted to just go swimming in her basin at the garden and then she said yes. So I said, okay I will turn off the light and then I will get your swimsuit. She started crying like she was being imprisoned, banging on stuff, running amok.

Honestly, I don’t know how to handle this situation. I had to call Dennis to come up and deal with it. I was starting to get annoyed and eventually I broke. It was dark in the room and all I could hear was her crying. I shouted at her and refused to give in to her requests. When her Papa came in the room, she was already full of phlegm that she threw up and that made me all the more mad.

After all the ordeal and all the vomit was wiped clean, Dennis and I talked. I told him what happened and how I could not handle it. Well he said, I should have made the room dark again and allowed her to stop crying so that I could explain the situation to her. Forcing her to accept something while she was still having a tantrum was not a good thing.

Sigh….

I am just thinking though, will I be able to handle another child? I mean, Dennis and I want to have a sibling for Dindin but honestly, after this morning’s episode, I don’t know.

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